The Philosophy of Why INTJs are So Attractive (And How to Leverage It)

Attraction is a subjective concept set by the dominant culture. In other words, the person with the gold and the guts make the rules.

And since Western culture’s creed is steeped in rugged individualism, the physicality and personality type that aligns with this doctrine is inclined to succeed.

INTJs are so attractive because they encompass the idea of independence, rugged individualism, and self-possession.

They truly embody Nietzsche’s amoral superman.

However, there is a caveat to all of this. INTJs who have relieved themselves of the need for societal approval and praise incorporate this attractiveness philosophy.

In this vein, all INTJs are not created alike.

Merely being an INTJ does not necessitate that the road to self-acceptance has been paved.

Enlightened INTJs have dodged life’s minefields, avoided irreparable mistakes, and maintained a degree of fitness. Hence, they have the youthful vigor to capitalize on their knowledge and wisdom at a mature age.

It takes decades of travel within an intellectual wilderness, living alone, and engaging in relationships long enough to make it to the next station to gain total clarity.

The key is accumulating invaluable and immutable facts about life and living well enough to put these gems into practice.

Sounds easy?


But the most appealing INTJs have done it because as soon as they stopped attempting to please the whims of society, they became more attractive and productive.

In the end, their aloofness became a social magnet.

And this is where the confusion lies. Enlightened INTJs are not trying to be appealing, attractive, or magnetic.

They rid themselves of these attachments as they overcome insecurities.

Anyone or anything that serves as a mental or physical dependency is an attachment.

In Buddhism, attachment is viewed as an impediment to a serene and fulfilling life.

intjs are so attractive

Attachments can come from material possessions, societal approval, and even love.

Accordingly, the fewer attachments we have in life, the more tranquil we become.

Clinical psychologist Jill P. Webber, a writer for Psychology Today, said:

As a psychologist, women often tell me they are attracted to “alphas.” By this, they mean dominant men who are powerful. They experience his sense of control, financial resources, or influential work endeavors as signs that he is somehow a better-equipped human being than the rest of the male population. This isn’t inherent snobbishness on the part of the woman but more likely develops in direct proportion to her own self-esteem deficit. For women who do not feel generally positive about themselves and their ability to get what they want out of life, male kindness and reliability feel scary and alarming. They may say non-alpha males are not “manly enough” or not strong enough to carve out a path of dominance. In reality, many of these women have difficulty seeing themselves positively, and when a man is inconsistently available and difficult, his lack of respect for her is a match for her own negative self-image.

Unpacking Dr. Webber’s perspective in a gender-neutral sense suggests that “alphas” or individuals who are self-assured, self-contained, and self-possessed have absolved themselves of needing people.

INTJs who fit this category are not preying on individuals’ insecurities but detaching themselves from the weariness of needy individuals.

INTJs realize that individuals have limited value. This is even more evident the more independent and self-contained INTJs become.

According to Dr. Webber, insecure people would naturally be attracted to alpha INTJs. However, enlightened alpha INTJs can only be attracted to independent individuals who possess something desired by these INTJs.

Enlightened INTJs are most attracted to individuals who can help them independently accomplish a goal they can’t achieve.

INTJs are attractive when they’re not trying.

There is an old saying that nothing succeeds like success.

Enlightened INTJs are avatars of success looking for like-minded individuals.

As gods, INTJs will not come down to the level of mere mortals but will beckon those mortals to ascend to their level.

INTJs can leverage their attractiveness by remaining the standard of excellence, creating self-contained and automated systems, and aligning with like-minded individuals.

It’s like Bill Gates, Elon Musk, and Mark Zuckerberg aligning with cohorts to maintain intellectual standards and preserve cognitive energy while sharing their creations with society.

There must be a distinction between this intellectual benevolence and society because society would only drain intellectuals rather than make compelling contributions.

In short, society would attempt to replicate, not innovate, the work of intellectuals merely.

INTJs who embrace this notion cannot be reticent if it sounds elitist.

Entertainers and extroverts readily flaunt their materialism to elicit imitation and envy.

They frolic about “the good life” through expensive cars, huge homes, and luxurious outfits.

They secretly admire the respectability that education and intelligence afford many INTJs.

The attractiveness of Gates, Musk, and Zuckerberg lies in investing their intellectual capital rather than flaunting the material possessions that intellectual capital rewards.

INTJs are attractive because they embody attributes that money can’t buy.

Although INTJs build on past successes that justify why they are attractive and valuable, the war is never over. Like any protracted combat, an INTJ’s value is only as significant as the latest accomplishment.

Achievement and accomplishments have always been the standard of attraction in western culture.

INTJs will always have an advantage if they merely lead with their strengths.

Like Nero, entertainers will fiddle as Rome burns. And INTJs will be there to rebuild fallen empires.

INTJs are so attractive not based on altruism but a need to create reality in their image.

—Brenda Fiedler


Detachment (Philosophy) (n.d.). Wikipedia. Retrieved from:

Weber, J.P. (2015, March 15). Why are emotionally unavailable men so damn desirable? Psychology Today. Retrieved from:

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