Rejection is one of the emotions INTJs feel the deepest.
Google defines rejection as “The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc.”
Rejection can cross many spectrums, from denying a personal request to condemning the beliefs, ideas, and philosophies of others.
INTJs are not immature individuals who sulk about rejection. They can live with disappointment. It’s the nastiness of how people say “no.”
They don’t like being dismissed because they are so valuable in their contributions.
INTJs stay prepared and are disheartened because they believe they are responsible and accountable for everything that happens to them.
The weight of the world is on their shoulders based on their hypersensitivity and intellect.
INTJs avoid rejection by hardly ever asking for help.
And if they must ask, they won’t ask the same person twice after being rejected.
They are relentless in their quest for autonomy.
Also, INTJs’ sensitivity is based on caring about the betterment of society despite itself.
But they won’t be emotionally ruined if society opposes their contribution.
INTJs will merely turn on society and embrace the villainous nature often ascribed to them.
This villainous nature was exemplified in a recently watched movie, “Where the Crawdads Sing.”
The main character, Kya, is abandoned as a child and must raise herself in the marshlands of North Carolina without any social skills and initially couldn’t read or write.
As she discovers ways to survive while communing with nature, she is rejected by the larger community and objectified as “The Marsh Girl.”
Kya makes peace with her station in life by aligning with very few associates and carving out her place in the marsh.
As life would have it, two male suitors set their eyes on Kya, which disrupts the tranquility she has come to know in good and bad ways, from hope to mental and physical abuse.
These new options place her in predicaments she has never had to face before.
She is idealistic and inexperienced, and what usually transpires when nature is disturbed by the machinations of human interference— rejection and chaos.
Kya becomes a reflection of what society imprints on her, which encourages villainy.
And this is the bane of an INTJ’s existence; the transgression of society into unspoiled environments only to wreak havoc.
Kya is an avatar for INTJs representing the serene regions they establish, only to face rejection when accessibility is granted, which changes individuals and environments forever.
French philosopher Jean-Jacques Rousseau believed that people in their natural state were good and wholesome before being contaminated by civilization.
Any social contract that entailed proper comportment, congeniality, and etiquette has been breached.
Consequently, introverts must rewrite their social contracts merging their needs within contemporary society.
As an INTJ, I could identify with Kya’s plight. Unless it’s a close relationship, I prefer “transactional” connections.
Because I try to remain under the radar in staying self-contained and self-reliant, I don’t ask for anything unreasonable.
When a request isn’t a financial transaction, the “ask” is either reciprocal or equally serves the other person’s self-interest.
I have thin skin and have read many self-help books on coping with rejection.
These books attempt to remove the sharp edges inside all of us. I have resigned that the sharp edges will always be prevalent. My goal is to smoothen the edges to avoid cutting myself.
Intellectually, it sounds illogical to ask random people to grant a request which may not align with their self-interest.
And yet many people allow self-development gurus to convince them that life should be spent being rejected until they get approval.
As a result, I attempt to depersonalize collaborations, marketing, and business initiatives by automating the process.
I follow the data, create programs around the results, and evaluate and modify them as needed.
Since I have thin skin, I will connect deeper with people when they have as much skin in the game as I do.
If they walk away, they are acting contrary to their best interests.
I take on small, odd jobs to sustain myself financially as I experiment with improving processes that work.
By developing sustainable systems, rejection becomes less viable because any solution-based idea can stand independently.
I am not running away from rejection and disappointment; I am managing my life strategically to maintain the necessary energy to succeed.
If life is a metaphorical tightrope, I would rather walk it with a safety net.
No one is coming to save me if I fall without one.
There are a few ways INTJs can deal with rejection.
“Check Engine” light.
Rejection can only come from people to whom we’ve given undue influence.
When I’ve taken my car to a mechanic’s shop, they ask, “Did the ‘Check Engine’ light come on?”
A “Check Engine” light indicates something problematic with the car.
Rejection is our “Check Engine” light telling us that we’ve invested too much time and energy into a person to have sway in our lives.
Indicators and warnings reveal the gaps in our lives that must be sealed.
INTJs’ critical thinking and decision-making skills should provide optimal results, or they need to rethink their strategy.
Live under the radar.
Minimalism allows fewer intrusions because, as music producer Dr. Dre reportedly said, “They can’t touch you if they can’t see you.”
People interlope in the lives of others when they see something they desire.
Kya became more attractive and drew attention when she went into town to shop for food.
Up to that point, she was invisible and left alone.
The selfishness of people will drive them to find what they want even in the wilderness, but it is still best to be low-key and hidden from predators.
Create self-contained and self-reliant systems
INTJs should develop marketable skills while pursuing entrepreneurial opportunities.
When people possess skills needed in the marketplace, they are rarely unemployed.
Employment allows INTJs to control their financial resources by creating intellectual property through books, blogs, podcasts, software, and videos.
The more control INTJs over their lives, the fewer rejections they experience.
They are not creating initiatives to avoid rejection; they are developing self-contained and self-reliant systems to remain independent.
Remember, rejection is a sign that optimal results aren’t being manifested.
Adopt a Machiavellian and capitalistic approach to life
In a capitalistic society, people consistently look for opportunities to parlay their skills into money.
Transactional relationships are built on mutual trust and mutual interests.
There is an old saying in politics that there are no permanent friends nor permanent enemies, only permanent interests.
Responding prudently and strategically based on the needs of the situation allows for the best outcomes.
INTJs can utilize the ambition of others to solve problems collectively.
Autonomy versus money
Given a choice between autonomy versus making money, INTJs should choose autonomy.
When INTJs choose autonomy, they create systems inside of systems.
Possessing highly valued skills allows leverage and drives innovation.
The more control INTJs acquire, the less vulnerable positions they occupy.
Although earning money is desirable, it should never come at the expense of becoming weak and disempowered.
Ultimately, INTJs feel demoralized by rejection because they think their intellect has somehow failed them.
With the time and energy enlightened INTJs invest in cultivating themselves, frequent rejection seems far-fetched.
However, even INTJs can be left out in the cold in a world of competing interests and selfishness.
To avoid the freeze, INTJs should make themselves as autonomous and valuable as possible.
In the end, valuable INTJs experience less rejection than their counterparts.
Ultimately, autonomy triumphs over rejection when self-determination is the goal.
—Colleen McArthur
Featured Image
“Daisy Edgar-Jones Headshot 2 Jason Hetherington” by CommsPE is licensed under CC BY-SA 4.0.
